I woke up on Saturday with every intention of heading to the gym. I usually do 5 days a week so this was out of the ordinary, but as soon as I opened my eyes alllll the things popped into my head. What I had to do over the weekend, bills, laundry, cleaning the house, crafts with Logan, grocery shopping… the endless list of tasks I put on myself and that I do on a regular basis, just seemed overwhelming. So I thought, “why not head to the gym to clear my head before tackling my day?” My husband scheduled a haircut just before the class I wanted to get to started, so I didn’t end up going. Now, the gym I attend only holds 4 classes on Saturdays and because I wasn’t able to go to the first class, but would have been able to do the third or forth class, I felt myself get into a mood. I didn’t end up going to the gym, but my attitude toward my husband was a little harsh. Gosh, I hate those days… being in a mood for absolutely no reason. Then, there is my precious baby boy who is in his “mama! mama! mama! mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” stage. Mama’s boy is putting it lightly. He wants me to sit next to him while he eats his breakfast, plays, watches his iPad, and of course wants to be front and center when I’m trying to get ready, take a bath, or hell, even when I’m just trying to tinkle! I’m generally fine with this but I’m telling you Satan was testing your girl on Saturday! I was just not having any of it. I got up, took an uninterrupted bath (thanks, honey) got ready and headed out.

Just before I walked out of the door, I felt this overwhelming heaviness on my heart. Guilt.

The Mom guilt is real. You guys, my son heard me leave and was screaming crying on the other side of the door. I know this cry only lasts a few minutes, then he’s happy when he’s with his daddy, but dang my heart. I wanted to go inside, scoop him up and just take him with me. Now, as my fellow mamas know… doing errands alone is so much quicker than when you take your baby, but the guilt was killing me. I ended up leaving, hopped in my car and turned up my radio. I grabbed an iced coffee, did errands and spent unnecessary money while completing my list (thanks, Target). I meandered through aisles, got a manicure, and even took a short drive before I headed back home. I enjoyed my few hours and once I got home I still had a chip on my shoulder. WHAT IS THIS FEELING? My poor husband. I guess it’s true, we always take it out on the one’s we love most because they accept us as we are… faults and all! Logan greeted me as usual with a “mama!” a big hug followed by, “did you get me a surprise?” (Yeah, only child syndrome) This feeling was growing… It wasn’t anger or sadness but almost an anxious feeling. I felt myself losing patience with Logan as the day went on and I caught myself yelling more times than I’d like to admit. Man, I was such a perfect parent BEFORE I had my son!

In a lot of ways, being a Mom today is difficult. I mean, the job has always been a hard one since the beginning of time, but with social media and the constant need to prove that you’re doing it right and ‘perfectly’ sometimes takes a toll. I’d like to believe that I’m unfazed by it all, but I’m human. I follow more than a few mamas on Instagram and see their perfectly manicured photos. Perfect coordinating outfits and uniform filters on all of their posts. No tears in their baby’s eyes, no tempter tantrums as far as the fingers can scroll. The perfect diaper bag and #fitmombod.  Man… I suck! See… there’s the guilt! Gosh dang it! We get so sucked in to what others are promoting that we forget what a great job we are doing as Moms. Hey, I may not be fit, perfect filter, posh diaper bag wearing, no hair out of place, perfectly manicured nails mom, but man I have so much fun with my son. I love to play with him, scare the living daylights out of him with my “the floor is lava!” screams, play outside in the dirt with the hose and just be silly. To him, I am the perfect mom. There is such a thing… it’s the best version of you.

Yes Mamas, we are entitled to our bad days, as is everyone on the planet! It’s what you take from those days that count. I’m blessed to have a husband (who is also an amazing daddy) that makes sure I get the time for self care. I know there are many mamas who are doing it all on their own and I applaud you to the 406514065049684065106510 degree! Mommin’ is hard, and the guilt is real at times. I’m working to take some of the pressure off of myself because I don’t just want to be a fabulous Instagram mom. I want to be an amazing real life, with all of her faults, crazy, fun, outgoing mom. When my son grows up, I want him to remember the silly times we had together, not just the picture perfect ones. I challenge you to do the same!

Xo,

M